six months

wow.  my son is six months old.  there is nothing in that sentence that isn't still surreal.

really?!  six months?  really?!  i have a son?  really?!  my life is not an illusion?  really?!

really.  i really am a mother.  i think i always have been.  but this, this is profound, not just imagining,  babysitting, sistering, being the shoulder my brother-mother-father cry upon.  not just bossing my baby sister (a seasoned mother of 4) around.  now i'm in it.  night.  day.  forever.

i am pretty sure i spend as many hours putting the boy to sleep as i spend actually sleeping.  i clean so damn much i'm dizzy, yet it's never enough.  i have had, and continue to have, all forms of baby bodily fluids on my skin, in my hair, on my clothes.  there's not enough coffee, never enough time, and certainly no room for whining.

mothers are the original warriors.

i have to admit, i love every moment of it.  it's what i'm good at.  chaos is my rhythm, and my happy baby boy gleefully giggles with me as we dance, spin, swing, laugh, cry.  and he constantly surprises and inspires me. 

he had a tough start.  breastfeeding wasn't going well, and my precious tiny baby boy began to lose weight.  i was traumatized, exhausted.  we began supplementing, which turned our feeding schedule into a round-the-clock ordeal.  he was so small.

and yet, he remained calm.  he rarely cried, and he seemed to see into my soul when he looked at me.  we finally found our stride, and he began to fill out, and we weaned off of the formula and were nursing full-time.  and then, it seemed, he just blossomed.

at six months, he's a long little fella with a small body.  some of his 0-3 month clothes are still fitting.  but, let me tell ya, he is the strongest and most dynamic kid i have ever met.  at five months he began army-crawling, and now, at six months, is pulling himself up to standing.  he loves to swing upside-down, and his favorite song is "do re mi."  he's an engaging and charismatic little boy, and people tell us he seems like "a very mature baby."  he laughs more than he cries, he loves his cousins, his favorite foods are avocadoes and bananas, and he's very interested in art (especially daddy's!).  he makes our lives so rich, so lush, and we savor every lovely moment we have to hold, hug, kiss and cuddle him.

happy birthday, baby king.  you are loved more than you will ever know.