it's been awhile

it's been a looong while.

nearly a week ago, i came out with the story of my sexual abuse on Facebook.  i incited some rage and anger, because i named names.  i got mostly support from so many who had their own stories to tell.

never let someone silence you.

i want to keep sharing stories.  not because i need the attention, but because it is healing.  it is enlightening.  by sharing our stories, we help others to find their voice, to find some strength to face their own fears, to find their own healing.

people will get hurt.  i hurt someone i didn't mean to hurt.  upon the initial release (after which i found myself sobbing violently in a ball on the floor), i began to want to shout it, to wear it on a t-shirt.  i wanted to tell everyone i met.  i got carried away, and upon being accused by someone of lying, unintentionally threw an innocent party under the bus.

i have an amends to make.

for the others, while i am sorry that they feel angry or persecuted, i feel no remorse.  i feel no remorse for outing a person who for at least 30 years has sexually manipulated countless women, including his own grandchildren.  i feel no remorse for calling out his accomplices, women who would rather quietly and demurely sit next to him at family dinners than to stand up and speak out.  for thirty fucking years i have swallowed the pain of my mother, sister, and others coming to his defense, being close with him, taking children to his home.  i will stay silent no longer.

because i have to ask myself what i would regret more: speaking out or not speaking out.  i suppose we all have to ask ourselves this in order to know which next right step to take.